Nightmares grow from dreams
by Orexisgrimm
Summary: Naruto's life is a living nightmare, though he seems so happy, what is really going on behind that smile?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this story is a LOT darker than my last, which I'm still working on but my minds in a VERY bad place lately and this is my way of dealing with shit in my life, so here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Naruto's Apartment*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto sat at his table, He had been debating the action that he would take for several hours, His life was a living hell, He had a note pad in front of him, He picked up a pen and started to write.

"I guess it's true that nightmares grow from dreams, Now I'm caught somewhere lost inside my own mind, nothing here but my demons for company I have felt it all my life, and Now I feel that my soul is bleeding, I've been cut somwhere between my fears and my dreams, Look at me and tell me what you see, do you see me? Or do you see the demon that was sealed inside me? A fate that I had no choice in at all? There are no tears, No sympathy for me I don't want them, This is my goodbye"

He finished the note that he would leave behind. He slowly stood up and grabbed his backpack and made his way across the room, though to him it felt more like he was being lead toward the door by an invisible noose around his neck. He felt hollow, His life felt like it had lost meaning. When had he lost sight of what he was fighting for? He didn't know the answer he just knew that whatever it was, the fire had burned out, the embers had gone cold, and the light in his heart had faded to black.

He walked through the streets toward the gate of the village, He was going to the forest, to be alone for a little bit. He walked nothing more than a shell of a man, he didn't even recognize the city around him, he wasn't even looking, he was walking more on memory than what he saw, his mind was blank, He knew exactly where he was going, His place, he hadn't been out to that part of the forest in years it seemed, Though he found himself returning now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*The forest outside of Konoha*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto sat in the clearing, There wasn't much around, of course the trees, some rocks covered in soft moss scattered around the clearing, and his favorite spot in his "field of solice" A flat topped boulder, Large enough for him to lay on his back and stare at the sky, the top was about 15 feet above the ground, So anyone that was looking from the forest floor would never see him. This was the place that he came to search for himself. To kill the pain, and today for a very different reason altogether he wasn't here to clear his mind today, he was here to stop the pain.

He sat up after a good amount of time had passed, he didn't know if it had been minutes or hours, Though he knew that to him it felt like he had been there for eternity, He was ready for this, he lifted his hands in front of him never even sitting up He made the hand sign and pushed his chakra through it, He whispered softly though no one would hear

"Goodbye, I'm sorry"

A moment later Blinding light and fire exploded from the clearing, It was over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Just outside the clearing.*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata had watched Naruto come here so many times, He never knew but when he was here it wasn't often that he was truly alone, she would sit nearby as he laid out on top of that rock, She would sometimes here him talking to himself, Though it usually sounded more like he was struggling with decisions in his life, What he should do about the hard choices that he had to make. He usually came here after Sakura rejected him, or had been particularly harsh toward him, Hinata felt bad for Naruto, He always seemed happy around everyone back in Konoha, Though she had seen him out here, when he was alone, he seemed sad, He very rarely seemed happy, He always looked like he as upset, Sometimes the things he said to himself made her realize just how alone he really must have felt, She really wished that he would realize that she was waiting for him, she knew that she would never be able to tell him how she felt, though a part of her really hoped that he would catch on to her. At least he'd know he wasn't alone.

She looked back over to where her favorite blond shinobi was laying, an hour and a half had passed since he'd taken his place on top of that boulder, he usually didn't stay this long, she asked herself what had happened that had gotten to him this much. He was usually there 45 minutes, an hour at most, and usually he was talking or at least moving around though she had seen no signs of movement, she had to check a few times with her Byakugen to make sure that he was in fact alive.

She was watching him and finally he moved, She watched not realizing what he was doing, she watched him make the hand sign, by the time she knew what he was doing though, she knew that it was too late to do anything about it, she watched as fire filled the clearing, she watched as the only person she had ever loved put himself in the hands of Kami.

She heard a scream, the world faded she felt like a part of her had died. Finally, the world went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Konoha Hospital*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata's eyes fluttered open, She didn't know where she was or how she had gotten here, She looked around, seeing the plain white walls it soon became very clear where she was at least, though she tried to remember how she got here, everything seemed fuzzy, Then it all came back to her, She screamed as the memories flooded in watching Naruto set off the exploding tags he had placed in the clearing.

The door to her room flew open as the nurses rushed in, They heard her scream and thought something must be terribly wrong, Looking at her, she was paler than usual, Sweat was beading on her flawless skin, Her eyes were open wide, a look of pure terror, She looked back at them it took a moment for her eyes to focus.

"Are you alright?"

she didn't know which of them had asked the question, Slowly she formed a response.

"Where is Naruto?"

The medics looked to each other with confused glances an expression that told her they didn't know where he was or even what she was talking about.

"Can you get Sakura?"

Her voice was shaking, she didn't know what she was going to ask her pink haired friend other than if they had found any part of Naruto at all.

"I'll go get her, I'll be back in a minute."

The medic that spoke left the room at a quick pace, Hinata fell back to her bed, and rested her head on the pillow staring at the ceiling, she was scared, her nerves were on end, something didn't feel right, she had a bad feeling about what her friend had to say though she pushed it aside she had to know if he was alive.

A few minutes later, The medic walked back into the room, Sakura following close behind.

"Hinata I'm glad you're awake."

"How long was I out?"

"Too long, I was starting to worry it's been 2 days."

There was a long pause.

"where is Naruto?"

Hinata's expression had changed to a fearful one as she asked the question, Sakura bit her lip with a sad look that showed through her emerald eyes.

"I don't know if he's going to make it, He's alive right now, but I don't know for how long, If it was anyone other than him I can say they wouldn't have survived that blast. But even with his ability to recover from most things, I don't know if he will come back from this one."

"I see" Hinata's eyes dropped to the floor pain came in waves over her, She felt like she was going to be sick, then the world faded to black again.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay chapter two the chapters for this story are short so far they might get longer they might not, my hands are torn to hell from the cleaning supplies where I work The steel wool got the better of me, It's industrial stainless scrub pads, when they where out they catch on the welds inside of the steam pots etc....My hand got caught in the loop etc, it's cut to shit, but I'm still typing so it's okay. This chapter I can't take all the credit because some ideas spawn from a story by Lissibear from her story "Young hearts".

Lissibear – I hope you don't mind me borrowing the idea.

Genma1690 – Thank you for the review I'm glad your following this story as well, Things will clear up I hope, Though the ideas I figure are better on the word processor than being acted out so here we have it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Konoha Hospital*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata Awoke, The room was dark, it took her a minute though to figure out where she was, When she remembered she also remembered what Sakura had told her, She wondered how long she had fainted this time? Had it been a few hours? Days? She didn't know, what she did know was that she needed to find out if Naruto was still alive and if anything had changed.

She slowly lifted herself out of the hospital bed, her muscles ached, they were stiff from not being used, She made her way across the room to the door, The thoughts flooded her mind, What if he wasn't okay, what if he had died while she was passed out, what would happen, He was her world, She had followed him so long, and watched from the distance, the good and the bad of his life. She felt a knot pull in her stomach, losing him she knew was always a possibility, they were Shinobi after all, but she didn't want to lose him like this, not to his own hand. She had to know why he did it, She took a minute to seal her resolve to ask him if he lived through this.

She opened the door, the silence finally broken, the door creaked letting in a dull glow from the soft lights in the hallway, She continued her footsteps just a whisper as she moved along, even a trained shinobi might not have heard her passing through the empty hallways that night. She was heading toward the nurses station at the end of the hall, they would know something or get her someone that did know. She approached she realized that the nurse on call was her pink haired friend, Sakura had the night shift? That meant she had been out at least another day. She walked up quietly it took her a minute to find her words then finally she asked.

"Do you know how Naruto is doing?"

Her voice was laced with fear, she didn't have any idea what she would do if the answer was bad.

"He's still unconscious but he is stable now, So he's doing better, if only a little."

A sigh of relief escaped Hinata's lips, She took a deep breath before asking her next question.

"Can I see him."

"You can see him, but I don't know if you want to, it's not pretty."

"I don't care I need to see him."

Hinata's voice was unsure, but at the same time sounded determined, Sakura didn't know what she should do, Naruto was a mess. Was letting Hinata see him like that a good idea? She would be devastated seeing him in his current condition, after a minute of debating the question to herself she finally decided that even if it wasn't a good idea, even if she told Hinata no, the girl would find him anyways.

"Follow me."

Sakura stood up to lead the way, hoping that no one saw them, she shouldn't be letting her visit him this late, after hours visits weren't really allowed. Though she knew either way Hinata would go to him, So it wasn't like she was doing anything wrong, she was just helping Hinata out by eliminating the search, at least that's what she wanted to believe.

They walked down several corridors until they finally came to the entrance to the intensive care wing, Once inside they the moved down to the third door on the left side of the hall, Sakura turned to her friend.

"Are you sure you want to see him right now? He's in really bad shape, even I have a hard time dealing with it, so are you completely sure?"

Sakura's tone was serious.

"I want to see him."

Hinata was almost pleading, begging, to see her blond shinobi, she braced herself for what she was about to see, though nothing was really going to prepare her for the sight beyond that door.

Sakura opened the door, slowly, a few rays of light from the hallway spilled in to hit the floor Hinata took slow steps into the room, she was afraid to see what had happened to her friend. She raised her eyes slowly from her feet, they were still adjusting to the lower lighting of his room, when things did come into focus, she gasped, shock took over her, He was looked terrible, His face was charred on one side, the skin was ripped and torn, Black marks covered his shoulders, His exposed arm had red burns from the shoulder the the elbow, from the elbow to the wrist was blistered skin. His hair was scortched and patchy. She didn't know how anyone on earth could possibly survive the injuries that were still showing on him, she turned to Sakura.

"is...is he going to...is he going to be alright?"

sakura took a minute before she answered.

"I don't know, anyone else would have died, but that knucklehead has a knack for surviving things that no person should be able to make it through. When he came in it was a lot worse, he's healing fast, and looks a lot better than he did, though it will still take a good amount of time before he recovers...What happened out there anyways."

Hinata's expression changed from one of worry to one of fear.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She barely managed to get the words out, if she told them that he did that to himself they would put him in the mental observation wing, They would end his career as a ninja, they would take away everything that he had ever worked for, everything he had ever loved.

Sakura looked at her for a minute, she wanted to pry, though she knew that it wasn't a good idea, After a moment she let go of the idea and nodded that she understood, Hinata didn't want to relive the memory whatever it may be, Sakura motioned for Hinata to follow her, they left Naruto's room, Sakura escorted Hinata back to her own before returning to her post.

Hinata sat alone in her room, the tears fell from her face, she couldn't take what she had just seen the man she loved laying in that hospital bed helpless, and burned almost beyond recognition. It was too much for her to take, her stomach pulled at her threatening to make her lose what little it contained. Her breathing accelerated she couldn't seem to get enough air, the room felt too hot. After a long while, she finally started to calm down. She walked back out of her room, just as quietly as before, only this time she wasn't going to ask Sakura anything, she was going to pay another midnight visit to Naruto.

She made her way down the maze of hallways back to his door, she let herself into his room, being careful not to make much noise at all, she didn't want to risk getting caught. She walked over next to his bed, there were no chairs in the rooms in the intensive care wing, unless a nurse brought it for worried family members that wanted to stay with their loves ones, Though no one had requested to stay with Naruto, She wondered to herself if anyone had even been in to visit him since he had been brought back to Konoha. She doubted it though.

She carefully sat down on the edge of his bed, there was a pain that ran through her on so many levels when she looked at him like this, his face had a pained expression on it, even though he wasn't awake he could definitely feel still, or was that the expression he had when he lost consciousness, had he felt the pain from the explosion before he had slipped from the waking world? Her hand moved next to his, She didn't know if she dared to hold his had or not, they were burned she was afraid that it might hurt him if she was to touch him. She sat there for a long time, thinking about all the things he had been through what she had seen him take, all the times he laughed, all the times he had cried alone, all the fake smiles, and all the abuse. Everything that made her love him, all the nice things he did, she never expected him to do something like this. After a while she spoke to no one in particular, just the air, Part of her was hoping that Naruto could still hear her, because she knew she could never face him while he was awake.

"Naruto, I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner, you're not alone, I know that it seemed that way, but when you left the village to cry, to think, to clear your head, you weren't alone, I was there, I was always there, only a few steps away, I didn't want you to be alone, I've watched you and been with you for years, though I never told you, I've always wanted to, I wanted you to know that I was there for you, that you could come to me, and feel like some one cared, because I do care, I always did, This is kind of hard to say though, but I love you, and I always have, Sakura doesn't see what it is she is missing, I just wish just for once, youd ask me on a date instead of her, I wouldn't turn you down, I wouldn't hit you or berate you, I've been waiting for you to realize I was there and ask me for a long time, But I see now that I should have told you all along, because maybe if you didn't feel so alone, if I had been there this wouldn't have happened, its all my fault."

Hinata broke into tears at the last part of her speech, she was blaming herself for something she couldn't have seen coming but to her it was all on her, what if she had told him, if he hadn't thought that he was alone in the world. Would this have happened? She didn't know but she knew It was a lot less likely.

She got up after a while of silence and made her way back to her room, she found her bed though it seemed to get harder by the second she couldn't sleep, Thoughts and images of Naruto laying in that bed in pain haunted her, After a few hours finally she slipped into an unrestful sleep, Though still sleep, plagued with nightmares in place of the dreams she once had of her blond love.

A/N: I need feedback guys, Let me hear your thoughts, I was expecting this story to be a flop honestly, but I've got a few adds to the favorite lists, It's dark I know, but at the same time theres some semblance of light to be seen, I want to know what you all think of it thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: I'd like to thank Genma1690 for your continued support of my writing, I didn't know how the readers from my last story would take this one, even though it's a lot more cynical I'm glad that you are enjoying and don't think it's a bad idea that I'm going on here, So thank you for reading,

Note to everyone else, REVIEW....even if you don't like it, let me know.

Disclaimer I don't own Naruto.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Hinata's room*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata awoke to screaming, only to realize the screams were hers. She couldn't remember the nightmare she was having but she remembered the pain the gut wrenching pain from it, She realized she wasn't going to be getting much sleep. She looked over to the window to see that it was still dark outside. She listened for a few minutes she couldn't hear anyone in the halls. She pushed herself out of the bed, She was going back to see Naruto, She walked out into the hall quietly and crept to his room, why couldn't she stay away? She knew she couldn't handle the sight but she kept coming back. This was her last night in the hospital most likely they would release her in the morning seeing as she was awake and up and moving.

She moved silently across the room, looking down at her blond love, He didn't look as bad as he did, He still looked terrible but the burns were starting to fade a little more. Hinata asked herself if it was her mind playing tricks on her, she knew he healed fast but no one should heal that quickly. She sat down on the edge of his bed. She wanted to talk again much like she had last time, she didn't know what she wanted to say to him though. A part of her was really hoping that he could here what she was saying, even though she could never say it knowing he was going to hear it, the uncertainty somehow made her more comfortable because more than likely he wouldn't remember anything that was said when he did wake up.

She reached over, His hands looked better, they didn't look as bad as they had before, she got up a little courage and slowly moved her hand on top of his gently massaging his upturned palm, Gently wrapping her fingers around his calloused skin she started her speech.

"Naruto, Why did you do it? I know you were alone, but what finally pushed you this far, why didn't you tell any one that you were feeling this way, It's not good to bottle up how you feel....Well I guess I'm kind of preaching to the choir on that one, I mean I've loved you since we were in the academy, Actually it's been longer than that, I don't know if you remember, When we were younger you were running from the villagers and you ran into me. You helped me up and apologized, even though you were bleeding, and they were trying to kill you. I don't know why but from then on I've loved you, I guess that means I've loved you ever since I first met you. Then I started to get to know you, You never gave up, you always tried to acomplish ever goal, Make everyone happy, you tried so hard to keep every promise, you were the reason I didn't quit being a Shinobi, You have me the will to keep trying harder to be better, to believe in myself. I never told you. I know what it's like to keep everything inside, You never had a family, I have a bad one, You wanted to have family, I wished to escape, we both have our pains, and yours is far worse but Why didn't you tell us it was getting to you so bad"

Hinata had started sobbing about halfway through the speech, she stopped to compose herself a little, she was losing that battle though, She finally got up and stood looking at Naruto's sleeping form on the bed, She was sad, she hoped that he would wake up soon, she took a moment to build the determination up and told herself that when he finally did wake up she HAD to tell him how she felt. She slowly walked out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Naruto's Room*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto was in pain but awake, It hurt too much to even open his eyes, He remembered what had happened, Though he didn't know how he lived, He could here the hospital equipment in the background a noise he was all too familiar with, meaning someone had found him, couldn't have been long after he set off the tags he figured, otherwise he probably wouldn't have lived. There was a noise, The door was opening, at first he figured it was a hospital attendant coming to check on him, No, the footfalls were way too quiet, This wasn't a nurse. He just waited, unable to move really, not knowing who was there, He couldn't smell anything except the smell of burnt hair and flesh, He felt the bed shift as whoever it was sat down, they couldn't weigh much though because the bed didn't move a lot. Then he felt a hand on top of his own, He wondered more who was visiting him, their hand was soft and cool, It moved lightly on his own, it felt so delicate. He waited after a while he heard them start to talk he still couldn't tell who it was, his hearing was way off, the force from the explosion must had damaged them. He listened to them though carefully trying to hear every word.

"Naruto, Why did you do it? I know you were alone, but what finally pushed you this far, why didn't you tell any one that you were feeling this way, It's not good to bottle up how you feel....Well I guess I'm kind of preaching to the choir on that one, I mean I've loved you since we were in the academy, Actually it's been longer than that, I don't know if you remember, When we were younger you were running from the villagers and you ran into me. You helped me up and apologized, even though you were bleeding, and they were trying to kill you. I don't know why but from then on I've loved you, I guess that means I've loved you ever since I first met you. Then I started to get to know you, You never gave up, you always tried to acomplish ever goal, Make everyone happy, you tried so hard to keep every promise, you were the reason I didn't quit being a Shinobi, You have me the will to keep trying harder to be better, to believe in myself. I never told you. I know what it's like to keep everything inside, You never had a family, I have a bad one, You wanted to have family, I wished to escape, we both have our pains, and yours is far worse but Why didn't you tell us it was getting to you so bad"

By the end the voice was crying, Naruto was confused though who had loved him that long, he had a vague memory of the event they described but he couldn't recall the image, He wanted to figure out who it was, who was talking to him. He felt her get up and heard her going to leave, He heard the door open.

The memory came rushing to him it was sudden and took him off guard, he willed himself to speak, forced himself to ignore the pain his body was in.

"H—Hinata?"

His voice was raspy, dry, and barely a whisper, He hoped he wasn't too late, he hadn't heard the door shut, but the amount of pain he was in trying to speak it would have been easy to miss, he didn't want her to leave, she had been so sincere in what she had said, she had cried for him, she had come to see him.

~*~*~

Hinata heard her name from behind her as she was about to shut the door, She turned around, was she hearing things, it wasn't very loud, she stepped back into the room, her steps slow, she was afraid, she didn't know what to expect, was there someone else there? She didn't sense anyone and Naruto was unconscious after all. Then the voice came again, She looked and saw that Naruto's expression was one of pain, his teeth were gritted together hard enough that she almost expected him to crack his teeth, He tried to move and the look of pain intensified, she hurried back over to the bed and put her hand on his.

"Don't move, Please, you're not well enough"

He stopped struggling when she put her hand back on top of his, He still moved a little, trying to wrap his hand around hers, He couldn't do it though, It hurt too much to move, she realize what he was trying to do and interlaced her fingers with his, Trying not to be too rough she didn't want it to hurt him. She sat back down next to him. After a moment she worked up her courage to speak again.

"Did you, well, hear what I said?"

after a second she added.

"Just squeeze my hand if it hurts to talk, you don't have to squeeze hard"

She felt his grip tighten if only barely. Her face started to turn red, she confessed her love to him? She did it? Even if she didn't know he would hear it he had heard it? She started to feel light headed, she felt her stomach get light, and flutter, then she felt nothing.

He felt her fall onto him, It hurt like hell when she did, though he figured she had probably fainted, He thought for a second, She liked him that much? She was shy, he realized that might have been why she always fainted when he was around. He gritted his teeth and ignored the pain as much as he could until it slowly faded, His whole body still burned, But he slowly drifted back to sleep....

Hinata's dreams were calm for the first time since Naruto had tried to blow himself to something mosre resembling dog food than a shinobi. She was just glad he was awake, she was upset he was still in pain but he was happy that he was alive and recovering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Morning*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sakura walked into Naruto's room to check how he was doing, only to find Hinata curled up on the bed next to him, Naruto himself was awake, His eyes were open but he still looked like hell. She stood there just taking in the scene, she knew that Hinata liked Naruto, but she didn't know if Naruto returned the feelings, and by the looks if he didn't he was setting her friend up to take a fall, and being the presumptious girl she is Sakura assumed that was in fact the case at hand. She took a deep breath preparing for a very, very loud confrontation.

A/N: Yea I'm ending this chapter like that....what of it.

Please review guys...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know this is late as hell, as always it seems lately. I'm fucken drained, Try working in a kitchen....with no cooling other than the fume vents for the cooking appliances....no fans at our level....It's over 100 degrees usually plus I work with my head halfway in a steam vat....you can imagine.....100+ with relative humidity of a damn sauna......will take the life right the hell out of you.

Thank you for the reviews guy's I'm glad you're all still with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Naruto's Hospital room*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sakura assumed she knew everything She Bit her lip though to calm the rage that was building in the back of her mind, she wanted to hurt Naruto in a lot of ways, due to her assuming that he was leading Hinata on, though she didn't want to wake the soundly sleeping Hyuuga. She bit back her angry screams after a minute though she did speak to Naruto, in a still rather loud and demanding voice.

"The hell do you think you're doing, You know Hinata might take it that you like her, and since you don't She will be hurt. I'll kill you for it, She's got nothing but love for you, and here you are taking advantage of it, I don't know why. I swear if you're letting her be so close for you're own comfort, Or some other reason, and you hurt her you'll wish that you had died in that explosion."

She was developing a growl to her voice, you could almost see the venom coming off her words let alone hear it.

"I might just make you wish you hadn't survived anyways, You hurt her when you almost died, and now your setting her up for even more pain, You're gonna live, and you're gonna regret that you did."

Hinata had awoken for the second part of Sakura's less than kind speech to Naruto, She was starting to get angry at her friend, Who threatens their friends, their own teammates like that? Why was she threatening her blonde love anyways? She kept her eyes closed and continued to listen to Sakura's enraged speech.

"You little worm, You're gonna have to own up to it you don't like her and you know it, you never even noticed her, and now your letting her use you as a fucken pillow, I bet you get some sick amusement out of this don't you, you filthy pig."

Hinata had heard about enough, it wasn't his fault she was here, She came to him of her own will, she never asked if he loved her in return, right now she didn't even care if he did, she was more focused on The pink headed banshee that she had thought was their friend. She knew that Sakura didn't treat him right, but this? This was just cruel. Was she always like this to him? The person that he had as good as worshiped from the time they were in the academy?

She opened one eye barely enough to see, She realized that Sakura was focused on Naruto like her, The harsh insults still coming, Hinata focused and activated her Byakugen, She couldn't stand to listen to this, and it hurt to have to do this to a friend but it was for Naruto's well being, and she was sick of hearing Sakura bitch and wanted her to shut up already.

She moved carefully making sure not to draw attention to herself until she got to a position that she could get onto her feet without putting too much pressure onto Naruto, she thought to herself "_I'm sorry Naruto I know this may hurt a little, but I did try to make sure it's as little as possible I hope you __don't mind."_

Hinata jumped to her feet, Pushing her weight forward, delivering several Juken strikes into Sakura's torso, She was careful not to make any vital hits, enough to cause pain though and the last well places strike to knock Sakura out, She knew she would be in trouble though for assaulting the medical personnel. She didn't care right now though, the way she was seeing this was, Naruto had just hit a state of depression so low that he tried to kill himself, and all she could do was threaten to make his life even worse? What kind of friend was she? Did she even know what a real friend was?

She turned her eyes back to Naruto Deactivating her Byakugen. His eyes reflected shock, He didn't think she was awake much less did he think she would attack Sakura, he was confused, Sakura's words had hurt but was it really enough to attack her over? He wouldn't even hit Sakura for her attitude, why would someone else do it for him? Did she really care for him that much? It took him a moment to get passed the pain to speak it made his entire body hurt when he tried but he forced himself.

"Why did you attack her." He spoke between gasps,

"You'll get in trouble you know, She is medical staff."

His breathing was labored and it was easy to see that he was in a lot of pain to speak.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun, I just, She was so mean to you, you don't deserve to have to hear that, Especially since I came here you didn't ask me to. I never asked if you returned my feelings."

She trailed off thinking about how to phrase the next part of what she wanted to say she was trying her best not to stutter, though it had improved a lot lately.

"I do"

His response was before she could think of a way to continue, she was in shock that he could return her feelings, though he wasn't finished speaking.

"I may not feel as strongly as you do for me, but I do care for you, a lot, and I want to get to know you better before I can say I love you, but I do have feelings for you."

He didn't tag on the last part of his thoughts "_I think_"

She was the only person that he knew of that cared for him. He knew now why she was always so shy, why she followed him around, he had noticed her a couple times but never said anything he never asked her reasons, he didn't even question in his mind why she had followed him. He didn't notice her most of the time though, he had only picked up on it a couple of times.

She was cute though, He had already known that, He had thought for a long time that she was like everyone else though and would let him be a friend but if he ever tried she would turn him away, she was always nice, but he didn't want to try and have her turn him away, she might not have been as nice if she thought that it would stir his interests, now he knew that she was so nice because she did have the kind of feelings he was thinking of for him.

"Hinata, when I get out of here.....We have to talk I think."

She didn't know what to think, was he asking her on a date? Was it among friends? She didn't know. She was too nervous to clarify.

"You asked why I did, what I did....I want to explain it. I just don't want you to hate me for it, When I get out of here we will talk about it."

She felt a twinge of disappointment that it wasn't a date, but she was happy she was going to be able to talk to Naruto. To be with him, outside of this hole, even if it was just as a friend, She was unsure what to do though, she had chased so long that now she didn't know what to do now that there might have been an opportunity for her to be with him.

**time skip 2 weeks**

Naruto was finally about to get his first real taste of freedom in weeks, His burns had healed, and he was feeling a lot better though his body still ached, but what could you expect? If he had been anyone else he would have been in a clearing that looked like a vat of beef stroganoff exploded in it. That aside he was feeling better, also today he was going to talk to Hinata at Ichiraku ramen, he was excited he was going to get ramen, talk to Hinata, then he was to report to Tsunade, he didn't want to tell her what really happened in that field it would mean his life as a ninja was over, it would be the end of the line for him, he'd never see his dream become a reality. He had to think of some reason he couldn't tell her, Then it hit him, He would say he didn't remember, that he went out to get away and then he doesn't remember what happened, with the type of injuries he had he might be able to pull that one off right?

He walked out of the Hospital into the blinding white light of a sunny day, it took his eyes a few minutes to adjust from the darker environment to this brighter one. It was a little after 2 in the afternoon, so he had an hour to kill, he was supposed to meet Hinata at the ramen stand at 3, He walked around the town just looking, His mind raced, what was he going to tell her he promised that he would tell her why he did it, but he didn't know if that was really such a great idea.

He walked passed the different shops in the city, Weapons shops, The Iminaka flower shop, Ino was working, but she didn't notice him pass by, This was going to be one hell of a chore, trying to explain what was going through his head when he did that. He looked to the sky realizing just how long he had been walking around, the Hour of judgment had arrived, He walked toward Ichiraku slowly still debating what he was going to tell Hinata.

**To be continued**

A/N: Okay, I know the chapters of this story are shorter but that's all I can manage for right now I don't have much of a plan for this story it is a spark of the moment story unlike cries unheard which had a place to end I just haven't gotten there yet.

Also those of you that like my writing, I have a mini novell I've been writing, it's not finished but it will be sometime here, I might start posting it online somewhere if you're interested let me know. I'll try to direct you to it when I get it uploaded.

Please review, They make me continue writing.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm working on several stories right now, also I'm working on a new musical project it's a form of industrial that was long ago deemed dead. So I've got my work cut out for me, reviving a dead sound, while writing 5 different stories (yes 5, I've only got the three up here but two I'm writing are original work not fanfics) I've got some nice reviews on this, even the ones that were negative, thank you for the reviews, they help me to fix the problems, I'm looking for a beta to help with grammar. I'm not the best of writers to say the least on that.

This chapter brought to you by heavy drop tuning. (Drop B and Drop A) and Hot pockets.

Musical inspiration for this chapter: Slipknot, Parkway Drive, Jonin, Soil, Pain, bio-hazard, Doomsday refreshment committee.

**Start**

Naruto took his place at Ichiraku ramen. Hinata wasn't here yet. He was still trying to decide what he was going to tell Hinata. How was he supposed to explain that even though he was alive that he felt totally dead inside, That everything in his life had lost it's glow, and that even the people that he cared for had lost faith in him, How was he supposed to tell her that he didn't remember why he was fighting anymore, that he had lost the reason long ago, and his courage was nothing more than a mask for a death wish? When he had first gotten out of the academy He had seem freedom within his reach, He could make his name, and become someone that was respected for his ideals and not for his prisoner.

Was he supposed to tell her he had lost those ideals? That he had forgotten the purpose he had given himself? He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Hinata had already sat down next to him. He was brought out of his daze when she waved her hand in front of his eyes, He snapped back to reality, though he didn't bother to put on a fake smile. He still hadn't figured out how to tell her the reason that he had tried to end his personal nightmare.

"Hello Hinata."

His voice was monotone, it didn't reflect any emotion, Hinata took her first good look at him. His eyes didn't shine like they used to the deep blue orbs that she had fallen in love with had faded to a stone gray color. The light was absorbed by them rather than reflected.

"are you alright Naruto?"

Hinata's voice reflected her concern for her comrade.

Naruto turned to look at her, She looked worried, almost uncomfortable, He wondered why she seemed so unsettled.

"I'll be fine Hinata, I believe I have a story that you wanted to hear. Where should I start. There are more reasons than you can imagine."

His voice one again completley monotone, it was almost painful to hear.

"The beginning is usually a good place I guess?"

Her voice was unsure, she didn't know the story so she couldn't tell him a good place to start, though she wanted to know what had caused him to go so far as to try to take his own life.

"If I start at the beginning then we will be here all day."

The first emotion she had seen since she had showed up dripped off of his voice, though it wasn't comforting, He sounded frustrated. His voice was heavy.

She took a moment to work up her confidence she wanted to hear everything even if that means being at Ichiraku's all day.

"I don't have any plans today Naruto. I've got time."

He stared at her trying to figure out why she wanted to hear about his life, was it out of concern? Was it out of pity because of what he had tried to do? He couldn't determine the reason, her expression was focused, determined to get the story from him.

"Okay I guess I start with my childhood."

His gaze dropped to the ground beneath him and his eyes eyes became less focused as he recalled the memories of his past.

"Before I started at the academy, I had only ever known two homes, The street, and My apartment, I don't remember anything before I was 4, What I do remember was living on the street, I didn't have my apartment. I didn't have any friends, but I had all kinds of enemies."

He glanced back up long enough to turn to Tuechi and order a bowl of beef ramen before continuing.

"The village was my personal hell. I didn't have a home, I didn't have a family, I didn't have anything, the only reason I survived was because of the Anbu black ops, the few of them that didn't hate me anyways. I got chased by the villagers, They couldn't kill me because the third placed a law that was supposed to punish anyone that hurt me, He was busy a lot of the time though so they did chase me. They did beat me, They would leave me in the alleys out of sights, behind buildings. Anywhere that I wouldn't be found for a while so they wouldn't be around when I was found and the old man tried to do something about it."

Hinata was focused intently on his eyes. They showed pain, She didn't realize that he had lived that bad of a life. He was homeless as a child? How did he even survive? Her thoughts were racing a mile a minute, she continued listening.

"The Anbu showed sometimes when it was bad, if I screamed loud enough, Most of them though would just watch and only intervene when it got really bad. There were only a few of them that actually tried to help me before things got too rough. I still remember their masks, I still don't even know their names though, Those anbu were my heroes. Like the old man though they couldn't be there every time."

His voice was laced with pain now, his emotions were getting the better of him He was willing himself not to feel it again though he couldn't push it aside, he was choking up a little.

Hinata noticed how hard it was for Naruto to tell her about his childhood, She hadn't seen the unconditional happiness he had always reflected up until that day in the forest.

"When I was 5 I got my apartment, The third gave the landlord the money every month, that way I'd at least have a roof over my head. For a while I thought that the nightmare had ended. Then it happened again. Some of the villagers found out where my apartment was. They Painted things on the door. 'Go away and die Demon' and 'monster' were some of the easiest ones to deal with. After a while of that, they started breaking in, they ransacked the apartment at least once a week."

His eyes narrowed as he remembered the fear and anger he had felt toward the villagers when they had destroyed his apartment.

"Then I joined the academy. They stopped chasing me, afraid that I'd use what I was taught to hurt them. Things seemed like they might be okay after all."

He locked eyes with Hinata. She could see the plea for help in his eyes. The pain, The fear.

"I tried to make friends in the academy, you saw how well that worked. It just earned me beatings from the other kids, Torment that never seemed to stop, every day it was the same, I set a goal. I would become the Hokage, If I was the Hokage, they would recognize me, respect me. I didn't know why I was treated so bad though until after I had failed my genin exam."

He paused remembering the incident with Mizuki with the forbidden scroll. It seemed like forever ago now.

"Mizuki tricked me into stealing the forbidden scroll, that's when I was told of my prisoner. He wasn't supposed to say anything, he tried to use it to make me angry, tried to make me hate myself. He saw me as the Demon itself, Not as it's prison. Iruka tried to save me from Mizuki, he was the first person that tried to help me, other than the anbu.

After I gave Mizuki a good beating with the shadow clone technique that I had learned from the scroll, Iruka let me become a genin. I thought that it was over again. I thought that I'd get my team, and I'd be free from the hell and torment of the academy."

The story was harder to tell than he had thought it would be, why did it all still hurt so much? It was a long time ago, that didn't seem to make it any easier though.

After a long pause Naruto finally continued.

"You know I was happy when Sakura was on the same team as I was, I had always liked her, I tried to make her happy, She never seemed to notice me though, she hit me when I tried to talk to her, She would berate me for everything, she tore me open every chance that she got. I had hoped that she would see how I felt and I think that she did. She just didn't care.

Our first mission, she blamed me for Sasuke almost getting killed by a Missing Nin, I almost died that day too but of course that didn't matter, She was always more concerned with Sasuke. Then there was Sasuke who always criticized me, told me that I'd never amount to anything that I'd always be the dead last from the academy."

Naruto had turned his attention to his ramen and was speaking between bites, pausing ocassionally looking at his reflection in the broth before telling more of his story.

"Time passed and I thought things were getting better. Then Sasuke left the village after the chunnin exams. I tried to bring him back, My best friend tried to kill me, when I failed, Sakura was pissed, I had promised her I'd bring her back, She did what she always did, she hit me a few times until she felt satisfied and stormed off. Let me try to make this shorter, My childhood sucked, I got treated like shit my whole life, my friends tried to kill me or beat me, The harder I tried to get recognition the more everyone seemed to hate me, I did everything I could for everyone, To protect the village and what did I get? I still can't eat at most of the restaurants in town, they will kick me out before I can even order.

I met Jiriya, He was like the father I never had, He taught me a lot, I got stronger, Though I didn't make any other friends, We left to train for three years. I came back to the same treatment I'd always gotten, Sakura had lightened up but no one else had really. It was back into my personal hell, So I tried to find a reason to stay."

He was looking at his reflection in the broth of his ramen again, it had been a while since he had taken a bite. He had almost forgotten it was there.

"I kept doing missions, I tried to get closer to my goal, No matter how hard I tried or how many missions I took on, I never got any kind of recognition for it. I considered leaving Konoha. I couldn't do that, I'd be running from hunter nin the rest of my life, They wouldn't let someone like me run free. That would be dangerous if I was captured or went to another village. They would have their own weapon pointed against the,. So I thought about the options. The only one I could find to get away was if I died.

I took on the most dangerous missions that Konoha could offer me, it wasn't because I was strong and wanted the challenge it would just seem less suspicious if I died on a high ranked mission. When I found no escape that way. I decided, that I would do it myself. I couldn't even do that right. I'm still alive."

Naruto looked over to Hinata who had tears forming in her eyes, threatening with each passing moment to spill over.

"And Now I'm making your cry. I knew this was a bad idea."

Naruto stood up laying the money for the ramen on the counter, this was not how he wanted this to go. He hadn't wanted to upset her, He just wanted to answer her question, that was hard to do though without pushing into some details that were rather hard.

"I'm sorry Hinata, I think I should go."

He only made it about two steps before he felt a strong grip around his wrist looking over his shoulder to see Hinata, holding his wrist, her eyes pleading with him to stay with her. He didn't want to stay, He had made her cry, He didn't want to upset her anymore though, slowly he turned back around and sat down on the stool again. Looking at his ramen which had gotten cold he let out a heavy sigh.

"We can talk more at my apartment if you want."

His voice had fallen again, it was still heavy though instead of emotionless it was like it had been for half of his story, it was sad, Hinata couldn't help but wonder if this was the real Naruto, The one behind the fake smiles and pranks. How had he convinced them all that he was happy if this was how he always felt? Hinata couldn't even think of a way to cover up that much pain, she had trouble hiding when something was wrong in her life, and all things considered it was nothing in comparison to the feelings that he was hiding every single day.

"That would be nice, Naruto-kun"

Her voice was cracking as she tried to regain her composure a little. They walked in silence most of the way to his apartment, Naruto didn't really want to talk. Hinata didn't know what she should say. She had expected to hear some things that would bother her, but she didn't expect everything in his life to get to her like this.

They made decent time getting to his apartment. He let them both in, He didn't bother to lock the door, if someone was going to ransack his place he realized long ago they would just break the door down, so it was more effective to leave it unlocked, at least it was easier than replacing the door on the now rare occasion someone broke in.

He walked motioned for her to the couch which wasn't in all that great of condition, none of the apartment was, she made her way to take her seat. Naruto walked to his kitchen and grabbed an unmarked bottle out of his fridge. He carried his bottle back toward the living room, which was really the dining room as well, half of the room was the dining area, the other half the living room, as he passed by he grabbed a chair with his free hand. Once he was standing a few feet from the front of the couch he turned the chair so the back of it was facing Hinata and swung a leg over it sitting backwards using the back of it as a chin rest.

"Hinata? I'm sorry that I made you cry, if I'd known my story was going to bother you that much I wouldn't have told it."

a moment after he finished speaking he took a drink from the label-less bottle He had brought back with him.

"It's okay Naruto-kun. I wanted to know I just didn't realize you had such a hard life."

Naruto's lips curled into a small grin before speaking.

"Heh, Not many people do, The only ones that know how bad it really was were Old man Sarutobi and a few of the Anbu that He had watch me when I was younger, I still wish I knew who was behind a couple of those masks."

He was in a state of deep thought as if trying to figure out who they might have been when Hinata brought him back from his mental debate.

"They might have put something about it in their reports. Tsunade might have some idea of who they might be,"

They made eye contact for a moment.

"She wouldn't tell me though, They are Anbu. It would defeat the purpose of them even having masks if she told everyone who asked who they were."

Hinata dropped her head defeated, He was right, there was no way that Tsunade would be so careless as to let out the names of her Anbu operatives. It would put them at risk if anyone else knew who they were.

"You know it's not a secret Kakashi was an Anbu captain."

Naruto lifted his head and took another drink from his bottle before responding.

"Am I supposed to ask him if He knows who the members were that watched out for me when I was younger? Everyone knows he used to be an Anbu captain. That also means most of what he knows is classified information and he can't speak of it without first getting permission from the Hokage. So even if I was to ask him, I'd actually still only be asking Tsunade."

He finished letting himself have another drink, Finally Hinata's curiousity peaked.

"Naruto, what are you drinking anyways?"

He looked at her, then at the bottle.

"It's just something I picked up while I was on one of my missions."

She eyes the bottle suspiciously.

"Can I try it?"

"I don't really think that would be a good idea."

His answer only made her more suspicious of the contents. What would he be drinking that he didn't think she should try, unless it was something that He shouldn't be drinking either.

"and why not?"

A rare defiance echoed through her voice.

"It's a special drink from the land of waves. I don't think I need to be explaining why the Hyuuga Heiress can't see straight. I can already see how that would turn out."

It was like she thought, whatever he was drinking probably contained alcohol, She couldn't know how much because it didn't have a label to say even what it was, The feeling she was getting though was enough.

"What kind of drink Naruto."

He was starting to get irritated with playing 20 questions and just wanted to get this over with fast.

"The kind that gets you very drunk. Look, I'm still sore from what happened in the woods, I've just told you everything about my life, I don't care to really think about it at the moment, and this right here is the easiest way to block everything out."

There was a bit of attitude in the way he said it. He didn't mean to sound harsh but he was starting to get irritated with her asking too many questions about something that she, in his opinion, really didn't need to know.

"Naruto, That's not the way to fix your problems."

He cracked a grin for a moment then spoke.

"No it doesn't fix them I never said that, I said it makes me stop thinking about them, which is what I'm going for."

With that he took another good sip off his bottle and visibly relaxed a little bit.

"Don't look at me like that Hinata, I can already tell you're gonna lecture me, and tell me that I'm too young, that I shouldn't drink, and really I don't want to sound mean, but I don't care I'm gonna keep drinking it, like it or not."

'_How the hell can he read my mind...?' _She wondered to herself.

'_Naruto take me to the bedroom and have your way with me.'_ She waited a moment watching him.

'_I guess not.'_

She stood up and walked to where he was sitting, He was watching her closely as she approached, and with an inhuman speed he thought only possible from rock lee she grabbed the bottle from him and took a drink herself.

Her eyes widened, She felt like her mouth and throat were on fire, She handed the bottle back coughing a little asking herself '_How the hell can he drink that and keep a straight face'_

He lifted the bottle a little and let it swing back and forth measuring the remaining contents.

"That really wasn't a good idea Hinata, You realize you drank enough that you probably aren't gonna be able to walk home."

Her eyes widened again this time in fear, she didn't think she had drank much just a mouthful which was a lot less than he'd been drinking.

"Hinata I have a high tolerance to this stuff because to the Kyuubi, It doesn't just heal cuts faster, it makes it harder for me to get drunk, it's chakra detoxifies my body at a faster pace than yours. That mouthful was enough to make kakashi happy. So I'm gonna have to say. You really should sit down before it gets to you. Otherwise your gonna fall down."

She took a step back and returned to her place on the couch. No sooner than she had sat down her world started spinning, She had drank alcohol before, it wasn't uncommon for Families like the Hyuuga to drink small amounts of alcohol at political gatherings and clan meetings, it hadn't ever effected her this much though. She barely finished her thought before she passed out.

'_Oh isn't that great, How am I going to explain this, Hinata is drunk beyond recognition on my couch. Tsunade and her father are going to kill me.' _

He got to his feat and carried Hinata to his bed, he put her down gently and watched her for a second before going to get Tsunade, Leaving her in this state wasn't exactly smart, even he knew that she was well passed drunk and would likely suffer alcohol poisoning if he just left her there.

He made it to her office in record time. Nearly breaking the door down on his way in. only to find her asleep using a stack of paperwork as her pillow..

He walked to her desk quietly placing every step carefully so the floor didn't creak. He knew this office like the back of his hands, The after looking at his hands and realizing that there were creases he didn't remember he decided he knew this office better than he knew the backs of his hands.

Once he was standing directly in front of her desk with his first honest smile of the day, He gently grabbed the stack of papers that was about 4 inches thick. With a quick yank followed by a dull thud he pulled the stack from under her head.

She woke up in what we will call a bad mood, Naruto didn't move fast enough to avoid her chakra infused fist, and flew through the very doors he'd nearly broken down on his way in, taking them off the hinges and crashing into the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. A few seconds passed as he recovered from his daze to see a seething Tsunade. Quickly getting to his feet he remembered why he was here.

"Granny Tsunade. Hinata needs a medic."

Not easing her temper any she grabbed him by his shirt lifting him off the ground.

"And why would she need a medic, you didn't do anything to her did you Naruto? You better start explaining."

She was already pulling back her fist to give him another good punch when he gave his answer.

"You remember that strange drink I brought back from the land of Wave? Well I might have taken a drink of it, and she got mad when I told her I was going to drink it regardless if she approved, and well she took the bottle and took a gulp off it."

Tsunade remembered that drink alright, they had agreed he wasn't to drink it until he was older though, and when he did she was gonna be there for it, That bottle was the strongest alcohol you could get without going to Suna. She dropped Naruto and started toward his apartment without him. She would deal with him after she made sure Hinata was alright.

"Naruto, You realize if anything happens to her, not only am I going to give you a beating but I won't stop Hiashi from having his way either."

"But Baa-chan, She took the bottle from me it's not like I let her have a drink, she took it."

She glared over her shoulder at him. "And you weren't supposed to even be drinking it yourself. It's your responsibility Gaki."

without speaking another word to him she was gone. Naruto stood up and dusted himself off as he headed back to his apartment.

He was angry, He was going to get a beating from Tsunade and Hinata's father because she had to take a drink from that bottle, She couldn't just let things be and let him drink it in peace, His metabolism being faster because of the Kyuubi that was probably the only thing that would get him drunk, it was more than most people could handle but since his metabolism was so fast it's effect on him was about the same as Sake had on Tsunade, it would get him drunk but it would take a bit to do it.

He arrived back at his apartment to find a semi-conscious Hinata, and Tsunade sitting at his table waiting for him.

"Gaki, you're lucky you came and got me, that drink she took was way more than her body could have handled, and she's lucky I showed up otherwise she'd have a lot more than the hangover she's gonna have once it wears off."

it had been a long time since Naruto has seen Tsunade this pissed off.

"I thought we had an agreement that you wouldn't drink that until you were older and I was here to supervise."

It made it clear with her tone he wasn't getting out of this lightly.

"Look, if I hadn't got here in the next 15 minutes, she wouldn't be awake right now, she would be in the hospital, Just be glad that I treated her and nuetralized most of the alcohol in her system, she'll probably be drunk for a couple hours, and she's gonna be very hungover when that wears off. Make sure she doesn't move too much and that she gets some rest. I'm not gonna tell Hiashi what happened, and I expect to see you in my office first thing in the morning. We are gonna talk, and make sure you don't eat first. It would be a waste since you'd just throw it up anyways, I promise you won't enjoy your punishment."

She stood up and smiled before disapearing in a cloud of smoke and leaves. This was just great. Not only did he have to babysit a Drunken Hinata, He was gonna get the beating of his life in the morning from Tsunade. His life just kept getting better.

**End**

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update, I've been having serious writers block lately. This short little chapter took 2 days....seriously. Well let me know what you guys think, Also I'm open to ideas on where to take this story from here, I don't have many ideas from here. ALSO. Send me a message of what you think Naruto's punishment from Tsunade should be, It's not actually going to be a beating.

Also I'm still looking for a Beta for any of my three stories.

On that note, I'm gonna focus on finishing one story at a time from here on out....I'm gonna start a poll on my profile which story would you like to see finished first?


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